Dr. Warren FarrellWomen Can't Hear What Men Don't Say

Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say

Warren Farrell featured on Choice Conversations explaining methods of couples' communication workshop.

Video response from Dr. Warren Farrell’s Couples’ Communication workshop.

The first 80+ pages of Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say are the foundation of Dr. Warren Farrell's successful workshops on couples communication, most frequently held on weekends in Big Sur, Ca., on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific at Esalen. Here are some comments from people attending his workshop.

Selected excerpts from readers' reviews on Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say
and Dr.
Warren Farrell
extracted from
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51 of 54 people found the following review helpful:
5stars All caring women should read this book, March 22, 2000 By J. Obeji (El Jebel, Colorado) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)
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This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)
When I first read the title "women can't hear what men don't say," I thought to myself "yeah, I can't hear what my boyfriend won't say." I wish he would speak up. After I read this book, I realized that there are alot of men that are afraid to speak up because feminism has swung the pendulum too far. This book was so enlightning and truly opened my eyes. Go to a greeting card rack sometime and see for yourself how many man-bashing cards there are. Do you ever see any women-bashing cards? There was a chapter in this book that actually made me cry because I realized how badly men have been treated in the past few years. Dr. Farrell does a wonderful job expressing what is happening in our culture. Dr. Farrell uses many studies that have been done and uses many examples in the book to get the points across. WOMEN - YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK! As a woman, I ask you to please open your eyes to what is happening in our male-female relationships. Thank you Dr. Farrell for a great book.

52 of 57 people found the following review helpful:
5stars A must-read for all adult members of the human race!, October 7, 1999 By Ellen Brown (San Diego, CA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)
Those of us familiar with Farrell's work will agree--this was worth the wait! Those new to Farrell will wonder why they've never read him before! This book helps us clearly see how our gender opinions were formed and how inaccurate and contradictory they can be. Great suggestions for improved communication between the sexes in modern times. Dr. Farrell again uncovers little-known statistics that media and government don't necessarily want us to know which will proove surprising. He then offers us ways to interpret these statistics which have made me much more aware of how insensitive today's popular culture is toward men. Much of the 'male-bashing' humor in the mainstream would be completely unacceptable if directed at other minorities. This book (as all of Dr. Farrell's books) has given me an insight which, as a woman, I would never have been able to have otherwise. Reading it will make men feel better and women better partners. Men, if you read only one 'self help' book this year, make it this one. Then, share it with your signifcant other and watch your relationship improve. Bravo Dr. Farrell. You've done it again.

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
5stars A must-read, March 12, 2004 By Kurt A. Johnson (North-Central Illinois, USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER) (VINE VOICE) (REAL NAME)
This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)
Dr. Warren Farrell spent three years on the board of directory of the Nation Organization for Women (NOW) in the 1970s. He wholeheartedly believed in the project of removing the barriers that kept women from realizing their full potential. With time, however, he saw the movement turn towards a victim mentality that focused on a hatred and envy of men.
In this book, Dr. Farrell focuses on the empowerment of men, a project that can go hand-in-hand with the empowerment of women. In the first part of this book, he focuses on how men can communicate with the women in their lives, helping each to understand their hopes, dreams and frustrations. The second part of the book involves the breaking of myths that leave men frustrated and dispirited, and women angry. The third and final section of the book examines how the promulgation of these myths have led to a hostility being directed at men that is poisoning male-female relationships, and leading to great unhappiness between the sexes.
Overall, I found this to be a great book. Dr. Farrell is no misogynist, but is a self-described Liberal who is passionate about empowering *both* women and men. If this book seems weighed toward breaking down the idea of man-as-oppressor, it is because the author finds the idea not just incorrect but perniciously so. If you are a woman who would like to look at men from a different perspective, or are a man who wants to see a new look at the misandrous myths that infect our society, then you must read this book!

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5stars An insightful analysis & practical guide!, November 3, 1999 By Martin Fiebert (Seal Beach, California United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME

This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)
Warren Farrell's new book offers in part 1 an excellent analysis of gender communication and a practical guide to a deeper understanding between men and women. Part 2 presents a courageous and insightful examination of core political and social issues which many feminists have raised critical of men viz., the distribution of power in society, domestic violence, and housework. Farrell, as usual in his writings, carefully documents the case that men have been unfairly blamed by feminists and the media. This material can only help shift current cultural perspectives and create the climate for true empowerment of both sexes.

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5stars An Outstanding Summary of Gender Equity Issues, November 1, 1999 By A Customer
This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)
"Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say" is Dr. Warren Farrell's best book yet. Few people are able to write about the masculist perspective and gender equity issues as well as Dr. Farrell. You have got to read this book! For you readers who are familiar with men's issues, you may be tempted, as I was, to read Part III first. Dr. Farrell continues to challenge us to see gender equity issues from a new and balanced perspective in the articulate and documented style that you will recognize. However, the content is updated with new data and relevance for the 90's and into the new millennium.
Don't skip Part I, the section on communication, and how to give and receive criticism. It is the foundation for Dr. Farrell's work, and sets up the reader to hear what is said in the rest of the book. His work in counseling, communication, and listening is what sets Dr. Farrell apart from the others. He offers a positive approach to greater understanding between men and women by insisting that both sides' perspectives be spoken and heard. He does this without sacrificing or compromising his dedication to exposing men's issues in a clear and balance fashion.
Dr. Farrell even expresses a part of his own "internal story" and struggle in writing from a man's perspective. I have often wondered why men's issues are so difficult to express, and how unreceptive people are to discussing them. It is as if we don't have the words to talk about it or people consider it a taboo subject for fear of retribution (loss of love, ridicule, ostracism). "Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say" explains why it is so difficult for men to express their own "internal story", personal struggles, or to question their obligatory roles of providers and protectors.
Dr. Farrell's personal style and sincere delivery reveals not only his mastery of the issues, but also his conviction and commitment to real gender equity. Dr. Farrell opens the way to honest communication between men and women in a way that will benefit men, women, and children.

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
5stars Warren Farrell's best book yet, January 31, 2000 By J. Kammer (Halethorpe, MD USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)
This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)
Warren Farrell's leadership as the preeminent spokesman for the male predicament derives from his ability to say terribly difficult and emotional things that women would rather not hear in a way that makes those things constructive -- and, yes, joyful -- for women to listen to.
And to make matters even better for women who profess craving to hear what is really on their men's minds, Farrell packs Part I of this book with clear and detailed procedures for creating safety -- and even appreciation -- for both parties engaged in emotional discussions. Most significantly, he helps men understand how they can speak their true feelings to their mates without having to fear being banished to sleep on the sofa. He explains the necessity and wisdom of empathy not just for the person being criticized, but also for the person risking the perils of offering criticism.
Then in Parts II and III, in a deft depiction of the adage "the personal is political," Farrell shows how the Zeitgeist of male-bashing and victim feminism spawns the maddening Catch-22 of men's attempts to communicate from their hearts with women: if he says nothing about the supposed "facts" of men's lives, a man appears to be accepting the truth of women's allegation against men; if he speaks up, he is perceived to be a misogynist who "just doesn't get it." Through careful, methodical analysis Farrell debunks -- and thereby removes the poison from -- women's most common allegations against men, such as working less hard than women and being innately more violent. Defusing those hot-button issues has the salutary effect of making women less angry to hear them and men less intimidated to offer other views, thus enhancing the likelihood of constructive discussion of how those political issues play out in personal relationships.
As his title suggests, Farrell keeps the responsibility for initiating communication about men's lives squarely on men. But he also helps women meet men's communication half-way, because, after all, men won't say what women won't hear.

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